"I Know Who Killed Me" (but I wish I didn't) and "Ratatouille"

Yes it's been ages since I've posted something but it takes some inspiration to write marvelous insights such as mine. Tonight I managed to see two films, each on one absolute extreme of the spectrum between "Who would seriously invest money in this film?" and "I wish I could create a film as amazing as this" that just happened to provide me with such inspiration. So anyway, on with the reading!


I Know Who Killed Me
This film is worse than you can imagine. I'm almost positive this film was made just so Lindsay Lohan could continue calling herself an actress in between drunk driving incidents and stints in rehab, as well as to pay for her coke and whatever else addiction. The film begins somewhere that is still unclear to me and never really sets a solid introduction point for the narrative, instead after a brief scene we get a scream and then a meaty "thwack" and that's kind of it. Anyway, Lohan really pushes the envelope of her acting ability as she plays two 18 year old girls; one girl lives the ideal white picket fence, upper-middle class life and the other a dirty stripper raised by a mom with a drug habit. Lohan, by her looks, is much more suited for the second. Imagining the girl that I'm seeing in this movie is the same girl from Mean Girls makes me understand how nasty substance abuse can be, Lohan looks like she's aged three decades rather than three years. While the film tries to play off whatever dwindling fanbase exists for Lohan, the scenes instead become comedic interludes where the filmmaker is flamboyantly proclaiming "Hey we have Lindsay Lohan in this movie, please give me money!"

Anyway, the movie progresses as we learn about the lives of these two girls and eventually we piece together a seedy murder plot from scattered points of straightforward exposition. At one juncture in the movie, the audience is actually subjected to watching a movie clip within the film that explains exactly what is happening, however, they make sure that you know the story you're being given directly is the "only reported case" and that what we're seeing in the current case is maybe only somewhat related, or something. Somewhere along this murder mystery we see brief stints reminiscent of "Hostel" where the audience gets quick glimpses of some sort of brutal, bloody activities. Continuing, eventually we begin to see Dakota (the stripper) being mistaken for Aubrey (the gifted child) and Dakota quickly slips into the sleuthing role of Nancy Drew to find out why everyone thinks she is Aubrey. While beginning this adventure down the rabbit hole that was Aubrey's life, Dakota begins having body parts begin to fall off, think the Black Knight scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" but with the Black Knight not being struck by a sword. While you may think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. Go see it for yourself. Actually don't, instead go see "Kangaroo Jack," you'll have spent your time more wisely. Anyway, the film is highly predictable for anyone that's ever seen any sort of teen horror film and not in the "Oh man I bet I know who did it let's see what kind of crazy stuff happens" way but rather the "Well, let's see we're 3 minutes into the film and I know who the bad guy is, now I need to sit through an excruciating hour and a half of a cast of actors that sound like they were recruited from a local car dealership commercial." I was going to say a McDonalds' commercial but frankly I've seen better acting in commercials for McDonalds.

In the end the only saving grace was seeing Lohan being tortured a bit, kind of like Julia Stiles being killed in "The Omen" remake or Michelle Rodriguez dying in "Resident Evil." This is one of those movies that is so bad it's not even fun to make fun of, it has to be seen to make people believe how bad movies can be. I'm sure if subjected to watching this again I'd have plenty of things to say, however, unfortunately all my hate towards this movie left me once "Ratatouille" began. I'm not sure what I was expecting from someone whose directorial credits begin with "All Cheerleaders Die" on IMDb, but I'm fairly certain if I was given a choice between watching this movie again or having my limbs randomly fall off, I'd go with the second option.


Ratatouille
I have a major problem with Pixar, and specifically Brad Bird. Every time I sit down to see one of their films, as soon as it ends I think to myself "That's it, that's my favorite film from them. They've peaked and there's no way they can top themselves, kiss your perfect track record goodbye suckers." Without fail, they never meet this expectation of mine. Instead, they decide to shatter this thought the instant I set foot into a new release. As soon as this film begins you can tell these guys absolutely love what they're doing, they want to continue producing the absolute best films they can while still having loads of fun, and want absolutely everyone, from young children to adults, to share in their love of stories and film. While praise is often much harder than criticism, this film makes it absolutely impossible for me to provide anything other than compliments. "Ratatouille" continues this tradition of perfection with another brilliant story and even more stunning animation.

With Pixar films, you have a vague idea of what to expect. You'll always have the oddball of some sort with their best friend, some kind of love story in there, the wise older character that while seemingly harsh at the beginning always ends up with a heart of gold, and the most villainous villains that ever were created. However, with each new film, the team is able to create an entirely new cast of characters that changes these interactions enough that you don't care and it becomes something entirely new.

The story focuses around Remy, a rat with unique, advanced senses of smell and taste which leads him to constantly complain about the food the group eats and often leads him into dangerous situations to satisfy his palate. Emile is Remy's brother and best friend who doesn't seem to care much for the cooking side of things but is always dragged into these adventures because of his loyalty. Gusteau is a world famous chef that believes anyone can cook and provides inspiration for Remy, however, we only see him as a figment of Remy's imagination as he is dead before the movie begins. Linguini is a bumbling man that has a hard time holding down a job but manages to land one at Gusteau's restaurant based upon his mother's relationship with Gusteau. The film continues giving each character a quick biography that does a better job giving us a solid characterization of these cartoon characters. Quite succinctly, Pixar is able to do in 10 seconds what most films can't do in 30 minutes with their main character, which is craft an identifiable, unique character that the audience will recognize every time they see or hear them and will remember their quirks. Pixar is always able to do simple yet extremely clever things regarding their characters, such as naming the food critic Anton Ego (for those of you that aren't so quick, lookup "antagonist" and "egotism") who has earned himself a nickname of "The Grim Eater" for killing the careers of those chefs he dislikes and who does all his writing from a large, coffin shaped room. Reflecting his nickname and general disposition, Anton is a giant, gaunt, hunched character who looks like something out of "Nosferatu" while his eyes are as dark as those kids from "My Chemical Romance" that wear all that eye shadow.

Remy's love of food eventually gets him into a debacle which separates him from all of his family and friends, however, fortunately for him he lands in Paris, the city in the world which produces all the best food. Through an unlikely situation, Remy befriends Linguini and together they begin their cooking adventure (as well as Linguini's romance with Colette, the sole female chef in the kitchen) and I'd like to not give away much more of the plot because it is brilliantly written and a pleasure to watch unfold. The story is so wonderfully written that even though I know it's a Pixar film and things will work out for the best in the end, during those dark moments of suspense and the low points where the outlook always looks impossibly grim, I find myself doubting that I'll be leaving the theater with a smile. The ability to balance these lows with the ecstatically happy high points is what always makes me appreciate how truly talented the guys at Pixar are. Between the writing and the animation I find myself experiencing some kind of empathy with these cartoons. These animated characters are more full of life than most of today's stiff, cardboard cut out stars of cinema which, I think an overstatement is to call them "actors."

I absolutely loved this film, and one of the final cooking scenes will be burned into my mind as one of the most dazzling animated scenes I've ever seen. Films like this are what allow me to truly appreciate how amazingly awful a lot of films I settle for wasting my time with are.