Rebound!

This film had all the makings of an excellent movie: recurring gags, a lovable but bumbling sidekick, multiple puking jokes, outdated pop-culture jokes, children getting hit in the nuts by a basketball multiple times, wacky faces, BRECKIN MEYER!, a cliche love-story, multiple stars looking embarassed to be in the film, the rekindling of an actors flailing career, and above all else, 13 year old sluts.

Martin Lawrence has been in hiding since his career hit absolute rock-bottom when he found himself making films like National Security and Big Momma's House. He has returned to the big screen with the new smash-hit comedy the whole family can enjoy, Rebound.

In this film, Martin Lawrence plays Coach Roy, a cyborg created by the evil corporation "Smelters" bent on the destruction of all birds, that gets struck by lightning and becomes self-aware. After his first successful mission, humans discover his true identity and sentence him to a jailtime of one year in a maximum security facility with the duty of monitoring small gremlins hoping that he will be successfully brainwashed therefore allowing them to covertly integrate Roy back into society. At first, Coach Roy is reluctant about interacting with these gremlins for fear that they might discover his true identity and they might cut his battery line destroying his life. Quickly, Roy discovers that he must disembowel all the children and eat their spleens to gain their intellect and power. Roy changes his tune when he discovers that an attractive squid is one of the gremlin's parents and in a heart-melting scene discovers his inner-self, teaches children life-lessons that will make them the best person they can possibly be in life, and also teaches them how to play basketball. Unfortunately, as I stated, the scene is heart-melting and all the children die from the lack of any central muscle able to keep up their blood flow, and the film ends.

At least, that's how the film should have gone. Instead, the film used every bad joke, worthless montage, clicheed story line, awkward pause, and silly sound effect they could fit in. This is a prime example of a bad movie that I sat through, loved every minute of, and laughed outloud to myself multiple times (don't worry, I didn't bother anyone, I was the only person in the theater). Imagine The Big Green, or even better as a comparison The Mighty Ducks, but without any of the "good." Hopeless, underdog team gets a celebrity coach through a series of absurd events, and, you guessed it, becomes champs. It always thrills me to know that no matter how many games you lose at the beginning of a season while you're on a sports team, if you win the last couple games of the season you are given a free pass to the state competition and eventually make it to the championship because Jesus loves you.

If you enjoy movies such as Chilly Dogs, Dudley Do-Right, or Double Team, you're probably as big a fan of bad movies as I am and you should go see this. I look forward to one day being at the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart and seeing multiple copies of this movie and laughing...then quickly sliding a copy of it under the The Naked Gun DVD I just picked up from the same bin and checking out as quietly and swiftly as possible.

On the Brendan Fraser scale I give it a rating of Monkeybone ( *** )